Your BFF won’t hear the half of it before talking you out of that ‘weird’ contemplation to stay friends with your ex. They will instantly come up with a string of reasons why it is not only unhealthy but downright weird—like how it could confuse you into doing something stupid like having sex with your ex in a moment of weakness or how it could cause friction in your current relationship.
And even though you know that they mean well for you, it’s still hard for you to completely cut off your ex from your life. It’s not that you still harbor romantic feelings for your ex, it’s just that you guys have always been good friends and all you’ve shared together can’t be erased in a second—your ex was a part of your life. So, should you stay friends with your ex or do you listen to your BFF and rid yourself of a good friend who also happens to be your ex? Well, it depends.
Staying friends with your ex won’t be a bad idea in the following circumstances:
Amicable Breakup
The breakup wasn’t a drawn-out rollercoaster ride, you guys either drifted apart gradually or decided that a romantic relationship wasn’t working out well for the both of you. There was no unpleasant name-calling, painful blame games or anything of that sort, the relationship came to an amicable end.
If that’s the case for you, then it’s pretty possible to salvage a friendship.
Emotional Maturity
Both you and your ex are emotionally mature. You are not the type to shy away from responsibilities and neither are they. Both of you are able to communicate in a sensible manner and arrive at reasoning that will be fair on both sides—that’s why your breakup wasn’t messy in the first place. So realizing that being friends with each other is better than having nothing at all will definitely not be a disaster.
You Have A Child Together
For goodness’ sake and the sake of that innocent life, you both brought to the world, treat your ex in a civil manner even if you can’t be friends. Sure, it won’t be easy to be that way with your ex if your breakup was rocky but you’ve got to try.
You’ve Both Moved On
None of you is still hanging on to the past: nursing hope that something will click and return the relationship to how it used to be. Nope, being friends with your ex won’t be healthy in that case. Whatever you presently feel for each other has to be mutual if the friendship will be successful.
Claiming that it’s just friendship between you and your ex when being in their presence resurrects all the butterflies in your stomach will be mere foolishness on your part.
No Ulterior Motive
You want to be friends with your ex because they understand and genuinely care about you, not because you feel lonely, guilty or empathetic. Don’t be friends with your ex just so you can keep up with his life or just because you are scared that you may never find someone better.
Your motive for wanting to stay friends with your ex matters a lot, so you’ve got to ask yourself why. According to psychologist Michelle Skeen,
“it takes self-awareness and self-examination to figure out whether to stay in contact.”
Be honest with yourself about how being friends with them makes you feel.
