“My family doesn’t do it that way,” is one statement that’s quite popular among many newlyweds in their 6 months to one year of marriage. You tend to forget that you have morphed into ‘we’ and are no longer a single entity. And even when you do remember, adjusting to that new dual identity can be a struggle.
Dating was different, no matter how long you spent together before marrying each other. Marriage officially brings two people from different backgrounds to come live as one under one roof and share their lives with each other. Vows, rings, and names are exchanged. Reality check 1 after the honeymoon begins in the form of managing finances, buying household items, doing each other’s laundry, going shopping and all that.
It’s not surprising to see many couples calling it quits after just one year of marriage. Challenges that range from serious personality conflicts to trivial disagreements are usually the culprits behind those rampant separations and divorces. Scaling through these stumbling blocks that life together as newlyweds place in your path requires determination and patience, not just love.
These 5 tips will guide you to not only survive your first year of marriage but to also emerge with few scratches:
Go Easy On Yourselves
Marriage is a process, allow yourself to ease into it. Obsessing about having the perfect marriage or wondering whether you are doing things right is just you summoning failure. Be ready to make compromises and to adapt, trying to change your spouse may end in disaster.
Your partner won’t be the sweet and strong individual you met every day, you will discover new angles to them as your marriage progresses. Be understanding and try your best to respond instead of react to new situations that marriage life throws at you. Lastly, forgiveness is a virtue you will have to embrace.
Nothing kills a relationship faster than making comparisons. Measuring your husband or wife by the tape-rule of your exes or of other beings in the world is likely to leave you unsatisfied. Your partner is the one you chose to live with among all other options, don’t forget that and don’t have unrealistic expectations about them. Focus on the positive aspects of your marriage and the good attributes of your partner. Also, practice the habit of saying thank you more often.
Don’t Lose Your Identity
It is not uncommon to hear married couples lament and say something like “I don’t know who I am anymore” or “my marriage consumed my life.” The identity battle is one that kicks off the moment you say “I do.” Only couples who are able to balance their individuality with their ‘togetherness’ will enjoy a thriving marriage.
Sure, you should strive to do a lot of activities together with your spouse as it strengthens your bond. What you shouldn’t neglect even as you do all that is your own interests and personal space.
Don’t dismiss your feelings or that of your partner. Express yourself in clear terms using ‘I’ when baring your mind to your partner. And when they are discussing theirs or sharing their opinions about yours, listen carefully without interrupting. It is very important that you both understand what you want or need so you can come up with a fair resolution.
Fight Fairly And Resolve Conflicts
Conflicts in a marriage are inevitable, it will surely occur—not a curse but a mere fact. And expert marriage counselors believe that certain degrees of conflicts are good for the health of your marriage. However, your marriage becomes messy when you resort to name calling, blame games, keeping scores or lecturing when these misunderstandings arise. Fight fairly instead and work towards resolving the conflict.
Have a happy married life!