As beautiful as the idea of love and all that it stands for, many are afraid of being in a serious relationship. Rather than give in to love, they try to get rid of it and struggle to hide their desires.
People have their own excuses to avoid the seemingly ever-present complicated love life, but we can compile at least 5 main reasons why people are afraid of love.
Unpleasant Past Experiences
Many people allow their bad experiences from the past to hold them back from loving again. It can be difficult to move from past pain especially when it is an overwhelming one. However, one needs to remember that a person hurt you not love. Besides, there are no exact same two people so just because one person hurt you does not mean that another person will.
The Fear Of Being Vulnerable
Loving means giving another person the power to hurt you but trusting them not to. Many would rather keep their defenses up rather than allow themselves to get emotional and show a vulnerable side. To love genuinely, you must be willing to show an emotional side and trust that your potential partner won’t hurt you.
Fear Of Losing Control
When you are in a relationship, you may have to hand over some of your control to the other person. It means having to go through a mirage of emotions such as anger, sadness, disappointment, happiness. All these may seem scary if you like having things under control. However, your emotions are your best asset when it comes to love.
The Fear Of Losing Your Identity
It takes a lot of time to build an identity that you’re comfortable with. You’ve probably had to struggle with a lot of insecurities and learn from past mistakes to be where you are now. Clearly, being with someone can change some of the things that you liked the most about yourself, for better or for worse. But thinking that you might be able to stop yourself from changing is what might be causing this fear. After all, it can happen when you’re single without you even noticing.
Love Stirs Up Existential Fears
The more we have, the more we have to lose. The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing that person. When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality. Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening. In an attempt to cover over this fear, we may focus on more superficial concerns, pick fights with our partner or, in extreme cases, completely give up the relationship. We are rarely fully aware of how we defend against these existential fears. We may even try to rationalize to ourselves a million reasons we shouldn’t be in the relationship. However, the reasons we give may have workable solutions, and what’s really driving us are those deeper fears of loss. Most relationships bring up an onslaught of challenges. Getting to know our fears of intimacy and how they inform our behavior is an important step to having a fulfilling, long-term relationship. There is no need to self-sabotage your own chance at happiness.