Relationship red flags are things that you encounter or experience in a relationship; it tells you that it’s time to leave.
Most times these behaviors could be subtle and deemed inconsequential but they’re not.
One major mistake people make is to consider it as love or, even worse, be blinded to seeing their partner’s true natures.
In the words of Oprah Winfrey,
When people show you who they are, believe them.Quote by Oprah Winfery
There are no ifs, buts, and maybes.
Sometimes, our own insecurities tie us to an abusive partner. We think to ourselves: maybe I deserve it; maybe it was my fault; things will change; I won’t find some else. These are all negative thoughts that should be squashed.
To give you a context, here are 10 types of behaviors you shouldn’t tolerate from your partner.
Your partner is moody and you ask them what’s wrong and they answer nothing. A few minutes or hours later, they begin to yell about something you’ve done. Accusing you of things. Sounds familiar? Or what about having a partner who gives you the cold treatment when you have a disagreement; sometimes, you might not even know what you’ve done wrong.
For a relationship to thrive, communication has to be clear and frequent. Communication should be void of ego.
When things like silence treatments, outbursts, and holding back take precedence in your relationship, then there is a problem. You should evaluate your relationship, and evaluate if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
Body shaming of any kind should be totally unacceptable. A loving partner wouldn’t shame you regarding your weight gain or loss. They should communicate with you to understand if the change in body composition is first and foremost your choice. If it is not your choice, both of you will decide on the best route to take. Do you want to hit the gym? Go on a diet? The choice should be yours.
If there was a spectrum of unacceptable behaviors, physical abuse should rank high. A partner that physically abuses should be severely punished under the law.
Do not excuse their behavior. Do not accept their plea for you to stay. Do not think they would not do it again. Once your partner physically abuses you, leave immediately.
Still on the list is verbal abuse. People think just because you’re not beaten then it is not abuse. Abuse could be verbal, too.
It is not only disrespectful and shows their unkindness towards you, it takes a toll on your mental health.
Speak with your partner about their verbal abuse, and if they don’t listen, you will need to take into consideration if being verbally abuse is something you can live with.
One of the things that are often heard is that when one is married, then their partner has a claim over coitus, and would be in their rights to force their partners into sex.
Forced sex or rape is unacceptable in a relationship or marriage. If your partner forces you to have sex against your will, please do not tolerate it.
Gaslighting is when a partner makes you feel crazy. For example, you catch your partner cheating on you, and then they turn around to lie and make you seem crazy and insecure. The problem with it is that the relationships are rooted in lies, infidelity, and name-calling.
When you have a partner who gaslights you, then you should reconsider your standing with them.
Does your partner monitor your every move? Do they make accusations baselessly? Do they keep you away from your friends and hobbies? Do they change your whole personality? These are big problems.
Control is not love. Love is freedom. Love is free.
Movies romanticize romance from 50 Shades of Grey to 365 Days, these relationships in real life are one step away from being dangerous.
You communicate with your partner regularly. You assure them of your love. You give them time and attention. But not you do is enough. They might have a chronic case of insecurity.
People with insecurity need to be handled differently. You have to be kinder. Most times, their insecurity stems from personal experiences, and as such is a psychological problem.
Help them find help. Do not ignore it or sweep it under the rug.
Does your partner gamble? Do they squander money without care or regard? Financial security is important especially if you are married or considering marriage.
Money is important. You need a partner who understands finance, especially if you’re with them in the long run.
Mr. or Ms. Perfect
Is your partner perfect? Nothing they ever do is wrong. They do not seek an opinion because they’re perfect. And God forbid you to criticize them, they take it personally and tag you vindictive.
Be careful of someone who feels like they have no-fault.